abundance vs scarcity

mate factor... a cafe in the commons of ithaca, run by the 12 tribes, an intentional community, dedicated to the teachings of the middle chapters of the Essence - the torah and the bible. i sat outside and delved into my day of seeking a vehicle, when yajiye came out. 

community is everything, he said. although being a musician, an artist, a writer are all expressions, the expression of becoming, dissolving into community is the most important thing. it allows us to trust that there is something more than our individual selves and needs.

later on, hours later, i sat in the mate factor, delightfully consuming a spelt-flour waffle with maple syrup. my  new favorite thing. tasty. really tasty. this sister passes by me. our eyes fall in. the split second is gone. she passes again. this time we speak. this time we traverse ithaca and nyc and new zealand and pennsylvania, the first site of the kripalu institute. 

she is a yoga teacher. recently started an online course, but struggles with money. saw it as a sad thing, a disappointing thing. 

i saw people who had money claming scarcity, and those who didn't feel like they were in scarcity. it didn't feel good. 

recalled ammu's words of those who have, who gain in income. 

they lose in giving, in sharing, in compassion. they gain in hoarding instead, ammu tells me. 

what  is it to be scarce? are even those who appear to have little, in scarcity? 

i thought i was in scarcity when i found myself amidst people who had, when i went to school in the upper east side, when i met desi's who had money and spoke with a certainty i was unfamiliar with. started feeling less.

scaarcity, for me, was a construction of my own creation. it might've been based on the sociologists fo the academic landscapes that have this bipolar relation with romanticizing class inequities, while placing themselves in the cuny-grad, harvard, cornell, academic-jesus-christ arm-chair. 

used to believe it. would quote stats. 80 percent of the worlds population work this many hours for pennies, while, while...stats and stats and stats...dangerous.

stats are dangerous. babylon's arithmetic. deal with the science of your body rising and deflating with each breath. how deep are you going? deal with the math of how much time you spend reading, praying, preparing your own food, cleaning, upkeep, fasting, writing letters to prisoners, visiting the grave, fighting for justice, having deep meaningful convo, versus hanging out, eating out, drinking, smoking, talking ish, gossiping, listening to destructive music, eating destructive food, shopping...

the math of scarcity is how we engage. time is of the essence. brief. so show up. been reminding myself of this. even as i addictively comb craigslist and kelly's blue book for a car for 9 hours a day. engage in being present, i tell myself in the cafe. 

the rituals keep me from just being on the web all day. instead i am engaged in asana twice a day - 2-3 hours. instead i take a mile long walk. instead i do salat and bow to the One. 

so these rituals ground me. and of course, i write. i engage in sattvic convo with people i know, and stragners i encounter, and Love them, by listening. by really listening. 

finding conspiracy partners. two came up yesterday. isa and dom. for herbs and writing. 

the methodology of growing in abundance is recalling purpose, is maintaining focus in the building by staying grounded in the rituals, to push the limits of these rituals instead of just going through them and to meaningfully reflect on purpose as a reminder for the doing. 

my purpose is to be a medicine man, to be of service for village-community, and doing this through the ancient medicine i carry and grow in massage/yoga/herbs/nutrition - in myself and in others. asana and pranayama and dhyna. 

ahimsa - yama/niyama in the way/what i eat speak/say, walk and move. dhyna every hour for 5 minutes. eating with presence - staring, tasting, experiencing the food. massaging parts of me that ache, that stiffen from the hours of sitting around behind this screen. preparing a meal with love. wanting and giving to my brother/sister what i would want for myself - a hello, a peace, a part of the meal i cooked. 

my purpose is to make this path of One-ness, of alinging with Truth, irrestible, glaringly obvious, through my writings in essays, fiction, lyrics, interviews, and actualizing monettary currency to build village currency. 

my purpose is to tie this all together by getting a sense of what will build meaningful, sustainable, accountable community. 

my purpose is to be a Lover. i am a Lover that Loves, that gives and remains open to receiving, that falls, that cries, that laughs, that lets go of the cool and normalacy, to let go and let ALLAH...

surah 28: the story iii

28:78 korah was one of moses' men, but he behaved arrogantly towards him.

korah had the house the keys and the car. you couldn't divorce korah from the house the keys and the car. the gold, the luxuries. 

thing is, korah didn't know that none of it was his. that, as much as he might've clung to these materials like ashwariyah rai clutching her million dollar sari shoes and diamonds in bollywood awards, like pharoahs burying royal cats and regalia, none of it would come with him/them; like me looking murderous when the chick in the train stepped on my spanky fresh baby blue suede pumas. 

inna illahe wa innaillahe rajun.

all praise and blessings for the dead. rest in peace. become peace as you metamorphosize into quartz and jade and hematite like dinosaur teeth and bones in utah mountains. 

was at the museum of the dinosaur the other day. much of the museum is dedicated to geology, as this is the field in which the clues to past life exists. we  are of course forever, eternal, infinite, in that energy is that which cannot be created nor destroyed. our bones, teeth, becomes rock, forms platinum and diamonds and copper and silver. our  flesh becomes soil, roots, tree trunk, branches, apples, mangoes, coconut water.

status is invisible-materialism. it is the haunt of today. it is what we in the modern world adorn like chains. i am a film-maker, i am an english teacher, i am a producer, i am a musician, i am a doctor, i am a dancer, i am a barrista, i am a medicine man... of course, it's all about intention, when this i am is explicated. 

you and i are more than these labels we seek legitimacy from, from others, like cocktail conversation. cocktail convo is superficial, on the surface, meaningless tidbits. get deep. have dhal and bhat and stay the night. get drunk on poetry of authors not you. play music and jam in communion, to dissolve. close your eyes. 

ah, the human ego...we lust to be korah. he becomes our subject of worship - ah, if i were just like bikram or iyengar in this yoga thing - making money, getting flown all over the world, having big cars, big houses, big harems...

idols are more than statues. in tthis sense, many who delve this path of surrender (islam), especially by rote, are idol-worshippers. worshipping gold, and fabric, and sunglasses, degrees, titles, words, and the celbrities and models that pose in magazines, tv, songs to lure you in. 

the language of this neverending story, al qasas (the story), reminds us, is that the only true language that can absolve us of babel, is Soul. Soul is the language of the Essence, of the Lover. Love. 

28:77. But seek, with that (wealth) which Allah has bestowed on you, the home of the Hereafter, and forget not your portion of legal enjoyment in this world, and do good as Allah has been good to you, and seek not mischief in the land. Verily, Allah likes not the Mufsidun (those who commit great crimes and sins, oppressors, tyrants, mischief-makers, corrupts).

the choice of the term legal, as a means of enjoying this mundane realm is pivotal to understand clearly otherwise, the term and concept gets hijacked by the greedy, those seeking to rationalize their blood money, their hoarding, their sustaining the pillars of the babylon caste system. 

"legal enjoyment in this world" is abiding by the laws that governs the entirety of life, that which all other animals are in tune with and in turn abd'ullah's (in bondage to the One) to. in a phrase, this concept is to live by the laws of nature, to "live simply, so others could simply live", as gandhi put it. 

the law for the Lover is to Seek in every one, the One. to worship, in every one, the One, to flirt with compassion and fearlessness, with the water, with the steering wheel, with these words that are only bound by

        space

and 

....

and.....and....

                                shhhhhhhhhhh....

....mmmm...mmmm...

                                                                          outstanding...

.......you...You...are outstanding...

peace and blessings manifest

...with every lesson learned...peace...surrender...worship...

my abbu tells me that the purpose of the life is to worship. worship fully. cmpletely. 

the purpose of human existence is worship? 

yes. hence the parable of iblis, shaitan, lucifer. he refused to bow down, he was arrogant in recognizing the creation, and thus an insult to the Creator, to his Source. 

thought about this, since my abbu dropped it on me last year, when i asked him. thought about it recently, when i asked a younger homie who is wise in her quietude, about what she felt my shortcomings were. 

you're trying to achieve a lot, she said. and that keeps you away from the present.

my boy sim, who i've gotten deep with this past year, agrees. 

you're not present, he said. and that's not serving you.

hmmm...

the city beats like high blood pressure shot on coca cola and dunkin in my arterial walls. running on a treadmill at a 100, keeping it a hundred miles and moving, keeping it pushing, can't stop, won't stop.

i'm dropping out of time and life, and fall in the cracks where immigrants like my parents were shoved into when they first came on these shores in the 1970's, to escape the walls of third world dead heaps of neo-colonial 1st world debris. 

dead ended. dented. at first. then crashed into a zumba yoga sequence taught by gym gurus high on caffeine, and themselves. 

saw it exposed when i read the sheik rumi, when i bowed into a surya namaskar, when i sat in the hospital next to family whose precarious lives reminded me of my own. been running with my head in the clouds, like there is a vision somehwere out there and there is me in city parks and subways wherever i am - in an n train in queens or rushing through trails on buttermilk falls in ithaca. the two don't always add up. but somehow i'm independent. surviving. 

not about you, kate told me, some years back, on the phone, when i wasn't sure, when i lost clarity. this is a gift and how you use it is everything. and it's not about you. 

today. first day off in a while. past the finsh line. climbed the valley of a massage program to look forward towards the testing site, licensing exam. and so today, no one, nothing. empty. where is everyon? and i'm scratching my head. 

at the yoga school earlier, mikey taught asana with grace, telling me, after class, that the juncture of losing parenthood over his stepson could be a blessing. 

cher, in advising me about money, tells me that we are all worth it, and when we offer ourselves for nothing, we are reflecting how we see our worth. 

it's about homeostasis. there is an exchange. you can't give give give and expect to be healthy. economic health is part of physical/psychological health. if your offering service, and you can't pay your bills and rent, and get food, then you are offsetting your purpose.

cher drops jewels everytime we hang. we split a spelt waffle at the mate factor, where the elder sis from the 12 tribes, came out earlier, looked at the kids playing outside, and said how sweet it was. 

she smiled, came over to me, as i sat on the new stone bench, cross legged, sipping on the veggie-lentil soup i made earlier. she asked me where i was from, where i was heading. 

from the city...somewhere out west maybe

if you ever need anything, we have people all over, she said, retruning inside to give me a directory of their tribe.

felt good to have an honest exchange with her. at first i wasn't sure how to respond to the where i'm heading part. truthfully, i'm not so sure. but the intention is clear. and i shared this. and this truth led to a new one. a sharing. 

the other day, during a lunch with friends, my homegirl's husband asked me, after i mentioned i'd done ramadhan this past year, what religion it was part of.

islam, i said.

he looked disappointed.

my homeboy noted this, mentioned it to me later. 

it was a truth. this is who i am. can't change truth for others satisfaction. truth is always truth.

i write cause i have to, i told the barrista, here, at gimmee coffee. she graduated with a journallsim degree. even before i took a writing class. i scribble cause i needed to. i still need to. 

purpose today is to clarify next steps. the methodology in this is begin with calm, set aside anxiety, take yogic steps into pranayama, dhyna, recall/repeat yama/niyama - warrior code. then write, write, write. methodology is, avoid reading how-to's. they don't know. 

how-to's are babylon drugs for the addicted new-age, post-ancient, post-soul, spirit-broken spirit-seekers, who are hollow and without ancient mathematic. they help some. so blessings on them and there process. they lost sotmhing somewhere along the way. so did i. but i remembered during a 7 day liquid fast, over a decade ago. remembered, a borough away from my family, that i come from an ancient tradition, a path so profound that time holds a watch to watch me dissolve. 

purpose, my purpose is to build community, 7 generations. build community that works towards the stars, a bigger purpose than just this moment, than just a house. the vision of the purpose should cover 7 generations. the purpose is what has always been - to surrender to the One-ness. this happens through worship. through deep worship. through learning from the wise, the enlightened of the past, and carry forth their torch in the doing. worship happens through the doing. what am i doing? what am i offering? how am i being fearless, diligent, urgent, compassionate, a lover in my purpose?

the lover gets a car. gets it checked out, titles and inspection approved. the lover packs, downsizes. the lover wrties a poem, sends it to the women he loves. the lover sits by the lake in sunset, gets in the water, cries. the lover bows down in a quiet area, on the grass, even as people suspicously walk by, with their hands clutched on the daily news carciaturizing the path of surrender as pathological. the lover has a table of ayurvedic herbs, sets up shop on the ground, with his duffle bag and sells his herbs and tea, from the tea maker he carries in his car. the lover is invincible in his approach, as vulnerability is a constant modus operandi, and neither money, nor rejection can stop his love. 

today i am a lover, i make calls and give my love to the loves of my life. today i am present, show up fully. today i got a car and a title. today i got deeper in utta-pada-angusthasana. today i called you and you and you...today was community economics. today i poured myself onto these 2 dimensional pages. today i read what is essential, what i am, because i did. today, everything was in the doing. cause, yes, i do, i do do do...

surah 28: the story ii

bismillah hirahma niraheem...

what does it mean to surrender (islam)?

28:7. And We inspired the mother of Musa (Moses), (saying): "Suckle him [Musa (Moses)], but when you fear for him, then cast him into the river and fear not, nor grieve. Verily! We shall bring him back to you, and shall make him one of (Our) Messengers."

story of moses, story of moses, story of moses. the layer. the hidden layers. hidden in plain sight "for those who think" - another repetition in the qur'an - "for those who think". 

plain sight was hidden from me when i read this before. read it again. heard the soul of islam podcast on moses. if you haven't checked this podcast out yet, do so. they are tapping in to surrender (islam) and speak on sattvic topics in a sattvic frequency to facilitate our tuning in. not an easy thing to do for a people (surrenderers - muslims) under every surveillance camera and spot light recording the number of times islam, ALLAH, salam, muhammad, are mentioned. enough times sets off the pre-programmed drones aiming at your sister's wedding. 

moses' mom gave up her son. but she did so with the math that the path of surrender taught her. there was a hunt for every jewish boy born that month. pharoah was tapped in to a realm as well. there are layers to this spirit thing. other dimensions exist. the realm of idols is real. everything has a spirit/energy to it. by over-emphasizing this spirit in place of the One, idolizing, idol-worshipping occurs. sun-worship, moon-worship, mountain-worship. of course. 

of course, the sun, moon, oceans, trees are worthy of worship. these elements sustain us. but they are only component parts of the One. not the One. the prophet muhammad was constantly reminded of this in his revelation of the word. hence, no pictures please. hence the forgoing of kingship, when people requested he be their ruler. there's only al Aziz, Shahanshah - King of kings. otherwise, idols. idolizing. celebrities. gossip. he said, she said. what's beyonce going to wear to the bet awards? is brad pitt really still with angelina?  

we deify and get misguided. river spirits, tree spirits, spirits of people who get passed on, become deities, become the subject of prostration. of course. i believe, they should be bowed down to (hence vegeterian/veganism, living simply) but jut as all beings and life should - sun, moon, stars, planets, oceans, bees, crosw, bears, mongolians, uzbekistani's, masai, hopi, celtics...but all are only manifestations of the One.

moses' mother, knowing the math (complete surrender to the One), had a choice. the choice was between moses potentially getting murdered shortly after birth, and risking this by devising some plot to eschew this fate, or to seek Guidance from the Guide, and listen and act. the Guide gave the message to let moses float and to trust, to do this without a trace of fear. 

when was the last time you totally surrendered? what was the message you got? how did you act on it? what was the result? 

i hardly ever totally surrender. i do practices to get me there. i am hoping to get to this place...insh'ALLAH...

this story, this repeated story, only serves to legitimate previous scriptural stories that were intended to serve as a guide. surah 28 tells us that the qur'an serves as universal truth, not for any one group of people but for all. but just as the torah and moses were rejected by the israelites, the people that the prophet muhammad (s.a.w) faced, also disbelieved, and ironically asked for a book like the torah.

28:48. But when the truth has come to them from Us, they say: "Why is he not given the like of what was given to Musa (Moses)? Did they not disbelieve in that which was given to Musa (Moses) of old? 

28:49. And who is more astray than one who follows his own lusts, without guidance from Allah? 

we need guidance. 

who is your Guide? who do you turn to for direction in your life decisions? who tells you what you may not want to hear, but whose advise will guide you on the straight path, not the path of those who go astray. isn't this what surrenderers constantly repeat in every salat? 

yesterday, i was listening to the persian national music ensemble. they performed a concert to celebrate rumi. the host artist, narrated the path of spirituality, by way of interpreting the guidance of the sheik rumi. the narrator-artist,  refers to guides, as arif-ullah. 

arif-ullah's are one's that all of us should be around, the narrator said. an arif-ullah is one who knows ALLAH.

in the absence of an arif-ullah are the scriptures. but scripture could be misinterpreted, easily misunderstood, especially for those, whom ALLAH refers to as having seals in their hearts. this arrogance of being leads to easy rejection, simplification, dismissal of the spiritual process. 

28:49. Say: "Then bring a Book from Allah, which is a better guide than these two [the Taurat (Torah) and the Qur'an], that I may follow it, if you are truthful."

28:50. But if they answer you not then know that they only follow their own lusts. And who is more astray than one who follows his own lusts, without guidance from Allah? Verily! Allah guides not the people who are Zalimun.

in the absence of a guide, a true guide in the spiritual process, one who is hidden and seeks no fame, one who knows, the sensory individual operates from his/her personal conveniences, desires, attachments...in a word senses.

the vedas, the rishis, the boddhisatvas, jesus, moses, and muhammad, all warn about placing too much attachment on the senses. in the epic scripturally-based movie, the matrix, the spy in the revolution of morpheus, of those fighting the world of illusion - the matrix - says during a dinner he is having at a fancy restaurant, in which he reveals secret info of the movement - "i know this is not real, but it tastes and feels so good". thus ramadhan, thus a requisite process of getting away from the senses, not just food...

among yogis, asana practice serves not to impress others with stunts, nor grow into a washboard 6-pack, but to grow so deep in Ishwara (the One), and through this process, the body ceases to be in pain in what may appear as otherwise painful positions. 

there is no quick-fix to yoga. no muscles in 7 days. it takes months, sometimes years to get into some asanas. 

often times, so-called self-proclaimed spiritualists/sufis in my life, make up rules as they go, on how they don't need to fast, or pray, or how they are not into dating, except they will date when someone shows interest in them that they find hot. they are, as chris rock put it during a stand-up he gave on relationships - "a man is only as good as his options." i often find both the modern man and women to be this way. so, i'd say the masculinzation of gender, has equalized the sensory driven unaccountable individualist. 

it's easy to be unaccountable. everything in our society propels us towards a hyper-individualism, while the more progressive of us toss around words like community and romanticize village cultures...but what practices are you engaging in to tame your beast - your senses - your ego? who do you listen to? and i don't mean a celebrity artist. and i don't mean during your once a month meditation workshop, or 6 month visit to the mosque/church/temple to hear a sermon, or a weekend retreat on spirituality, or....

convenience. 

how do you stay accountable? who do you really listen to? 

who is the arif-ullah in your life? 

ramadhan 2015: eid mubarak

all praises for making it through this test, this phase, phases. the five phase theory of traditional chinses medicine. each element bleeds/blends into the other - wood into fire into earth into metal into water - green, red, yellow, white, black

the imam at the bangli masjid, with a voice like maple syrup and smile like the hare krsna teacher from mysore, said that ramadhan is like a bootcamp, an academy of training, like the military. he said that  the purpose of military training is to prepare the soldier for the battlefield. ramadhan exists, the imam expounded, to train you for the battlefield of the maya, the illusion of materialism, consumerism, sensory desires...

...nyc, my shiatsu teacher said to me recently, on a bus ride back upstate, is an assault on the senses.

tamasha, my ammu says, they say in bangla, the illusion of something happening, the crowd forming to spectate around the spectacle, but nothing's happening, or as they would say in south india, nothing doing...

the pakistani imam that led the second prayer i attended said that just as islam is being shaped to appear crazy, that instead of operating from a place of reaction and rage, we should exercise democracy, by participating in the democratice process. get  involved, he said, in participating in the communities you live in. civil engagement to ensure a better, more harmonious union.

the ethiopian sister at the sufi masjid, when i asked her what the wisdom of this ramadhan was for her, said speechlessness and selfessness. i was speechless. all praise is due...speechless.

how was your eid? inshALLAH well. 

unlike a birthday where all the focus/pressure is on celebrating a single i, it was nice to celebrate collectively, like it was all our birthday. it was. for a month, we surrendered together, gave up these senses and placed full faith in the Essence to make it through, a suspension of dsibelief in desire, lust, these cravings...and somehow it happened...even if your approach to ramdhan, to fasting is that it is a nuisance that you can't wait to be over with, that you are just starving until dusk, perhaps, at some point, during a quiet moment, you will have a reflection on what you are capable of accomplishing, that you are more than your base, lower i...

blessed b'earthday to the surrender, the surrenderers, even in regions chokeholded by the pangs of neo-colonial tricknology. blessings to the wolves in lambs skin. they even sold their lambskins on the market when i was a shorty. the desperate masses of hood bought them in droves, to look like the babylon kings. got shot. sheepskin shorties got shot. r.i.p

rest in peace for lives robbed. the millions mowed who appear without a name or a story. prayers for the snipers, "murderer, blood is on your shoulder; kill i today, you cannot kill I tomorrow." praayers for them to be more compassionate.

the lesson from this ramadhan, for me, is that everything passes, even this body, even within this lifetime. saw it wither and pass. been rebuilding. rebuilding takes work. otherwise default on obesity. work. everything is work. work is worship. the takeaway this ramadhan is to actualize, to build, to be fearless in the doing, to do it in the state of Witness... 

ramadhan 2015: day 28

went to a lecture on maintaining the spirit of ramadhan after ramadhan by imam khaled latif. he laid down four takeaways from this month: 1) keep companions who can hold you to a higher standard 2) have a teacher/guide, who can lead you in the way you need to be lead 3) do the things you would do in ramadhan, year round. 4) ....i don't remember.

thought about this ramadhan and my companions. the people around me have been mostly new friends, upstate; folks engaged in the process of becoming healers in various capacities; folks engaged in economic hardship, struggle;folks who are kind and loving and mostly non-judegemental, and non-confrontational, and understanding. it's been beautfiul being around these folks, none of whom are muslim, but who i connect with more than anyone i've ever met at the islamic center at nyu or most religious spaces. 

companionship for me has to do with acceptance. us accepting each other for who we are. companionship has to do with striving for better and holding each other to this better, by being better for ourselves as a way to be better for one another. companionship is about being around and connecting and building and carving time for those you aspire to be like.

what are the qualities the people around you have? are these the characteristics of Higher, of divinity, of the 99 attributes? 

my homegirl ash gives of herself fully. she makes sure folks are okay, buys them coffee and lunch and dinner, makes sure they have a ride if they are drunk, or don't. ash brings me to the supermarket, and to the site of my continued education. she gives, and she's barely making any money. herr husband works hard, daily, faced with life and death situations, and is making enough to put money towards their mortgage, feed their kids. yet, many people i know, make ten times what ash and her husband make, and always complain about how they don't have, think twice about buying fries or anything if any of us around, for fear of having to share, of maybe feeling like they'd have to offer out of being polite. many of the people i know in these muslim professional circles, pinch so hard, it hurts. it hurts so hard, that i can barely believe they are practicing the same spirituality.

islam is a name, i realized. we share words. common linguo, those of us who share this title of muslim - salam, inshallah, alhamdulillah, etc. these are just words. my understanding of the teachings of the prophet, is the practice of spirituality is in the doing.

the practice of worship is in the deeds. in this sense most of the muslims i know are not muslims by name. and most of the kaffir i know, are muslim by name, many of them pray, fast, use a lot of the lingo. they share business cards, and exchange professional status, and legitimate companionship from this lens of material. they pack the ic at nyu. peace to them. love to them. they are not who aspire to be like.

again, what are the attributes of those around you, in your inner circle? i am fortunate to have a dad who has committed his life to social change, a life-long activist, intellectual, writer, who does without seeking status, or money or credential. been broke all his life as a result. this meant we've been hurting to keep the lights on, all our life. but his has been the walk of jesus, moses, muhammad. he doesn't bow five times, but a thousand, in every second of the day, in how he worships the path of islam - peace and justice not just for self, but for our world. my brother has followed in his footsteps, doing without ulterior motive, moving in Quiet, banging for the community, for more gardens in the hood, and for real racial and economic equality, not people complaining about injustice from their private homes and condos and bashing white people, without seeing how they themselves are participating in the oppression...

my companion is my boy kris, who has taught me what it means to be giving, to love unconditionally. kris, who is a single dad, who has been fasting with me this month, cause we dig traits in each other as homies, as mutual aspirants. kris, who is on the brink of homelessness, barely making the payments in his project apartment, but who is constantly compromising the food of his family to feed others with his foodstamps. kris, who works hard, but isn't rewarded monetarily the way those doing social work, teaching, business, non-profit, law, engineering...are. yet, somehow, he is never complaining about how little he has, how he is broke, how his family is struggling, the way my professional muslim friends do. deep. so what is islam, and this path, if not the deeds. 

my mom taught me, continues to teach me, that life is in the doing. you can talk all you want, but you gotta do. she looks for sales at the grocery store, and atleast once a week, 20 people are over and she is feeding them, cooking from the day before. my mom does and says, when we lament about those we know who have money - the more money you have, the cheaper you get.

cheap is a way of being, is cheapening this path, is attaching real hard to something that is not here, is an illusion. give of yourself and in the process, you will set yourself free. none of those dollars you pinch when you were around others who might've been made happy from a drink, a meal you got them, a gesture...come with you. do, without talking about it, without telling the world what a spender you are, without finding ways to prove this by the gucci bags and shirts you rock, and the 6-figure car. you are cheapening the earth in the process, cheapening the air and the water, and flagrantly, yourself. 

do in Quiet, through humility, live simply, so others can simply live, gandhi said. find yourself a teacher, a guide, a shaykh. we all need one. cause reading articles, essays, books, listening to lectures on youtube, coming to a khtubah once a week, isn't cutting it. you and i need accountability, guidance. this has always been in the tradition, cause you and i need to check your/my-self, before we wreck ourself and our world...

new year intentions: full moon: july 2015

i said it to myself. my intentions for this year, during my new year day. did you hear? if you didn't, is it real?

this year...I AM my Self. 

thiis year i become my Self by actualizing purpose in being medicine man building community. 

began this blog a couple years back as a forum for reflection on this journey of becoming a medicine man. didnn't have a clue on what form it would take. thought, initially, that it would be recipes and formulations and treatment methodolgies as understood through the lens of ayurveda and executed in words that required release from these fingers that tap like zakir hussain on the tabla, that bleat like the wailing fingers of hendrix, that meditate in prophetic poetry like jalaluddin rumi. 

writing has been part of my purpose since i was conceived, since my father's (the writer/activist) nucleotides were transcribed in a story with my mothers, and gave birth to this form. alhamdulillah. have to write. have to. 

my purpose in deciding on path of hakeem/vaidya/medicine man, was an act of Surrender, a step into a ruku that left my head imprinted with earth of the mountain i laid before. it was in growing deeper with my indigenous self - in recognizing that indigenous meant of being of the soil, of a tradition, of a continuum, of a collective consciousness tapped into generations of star-gazing, navigating the ocean with stars, and av nodes harmonized with the pulse of tidal waves. this is how the ancients knew. this is what i needed to surrender to, if i was to be of service.

realized my purpose in talking/building with the shorties. my young homies asked me about next steps in their life...what they should do. they saw in me what i saw in them - Realness. they dug the vegeterianism, the fasting, the no-shopping, the free-the-land, the open-every-cell-in-attica, the exposing of the hunters version of his-story, the herbal medicinal recipes, the meditation, the use of prana, the yogum, the prayer, the surrender to ALLAH...i told them to pursue medicine, real medicine...

in talking to the Real, i was talking to something deeper inside me, and knew right then what i had to do...become a medicine man...

since then yoga has grown more than a quick morning ritual, and fly-by diet, meditation in the A train, and active practice of ahimsa with dudes looking to swing. 

yogum has become even deeper in some ways. have finally stepped out of the box of individual doing into offering classes to others, facilitating asana practice. this was a necessary step in this path.

massage, body work treatments, has become an immersed medicinal tool for me, in which yogum finds expression. your body disappears in my own as i work on my Self, in a dance of jesus energetics, sometimes feeling through blindspots, marma and trigger and shiatsu points that set off past pains. sometimes, my hands land on a crowd of scuffle, entangled in fear and loathing. sink like a hand in mountain that becomes volcanic mud. thixotropy. shaolin. hands through stone. 

the majority of ayurvedic treatments are body-work based: shiro-dhara, abhyanga, marma-massage w/hands/feet, podi/ella/navarra/dhai -kizhi, udtharthanam, shiro-abhyanga, mukhe-abhyanga, taila-abhyanga, shiro/kadi/ghara/uro -vasti, taila/ghrita -vasti's...

herbalism has found expression through this course, investment in herbs, and dialogues with others. of course, without proper immersion, it remains adrift. such is the case with nutrition as well.

i fast. have done a year of veganism, on-off years of pescatarianism, vegeterianism; stints of raw-food-ism. actively make kichoree, oats, salads, and smoothies. understand rasa, and the importance of tastes and gunas in doshic balancing. yet and still, the lack of immersion in this has led to  a peripheral relation with nutrition. 

herbalism and food/nutrition, is the other major modality of ayurveda. the two are intertwined, stemming from a science of foods, that which is ingested, and how the combinations, times of day, body types all interact in this process.

so the intention for the new year, of actulaizing purpose, of being my Self, looks like this:

to fulfill this path of medicine man, i tread next on a deeper relation to nutrition (food and herbs). i do this by immersion, both in studying and the doing, actively engaged in my own apothecary of 100 herbs that i use regularly. actively engaged in raw, vegan, and vegeterian cuisine. active in using food as medicine in prescribing diets to myself, based on season and imbalance, and to others. actively making medicines and meals...

i write and publish that which needs voice, that which requires birth. this has to do with balance, with building community and re-examining our lives of community-less-ness...this means the works of fiction, the educational how-to for educators to grow deeper in education as meditation, the essays, doctrines on community building, community economics, self-sufficiency...

i invest, get investors in building a school/shala/ashram-masjid, in alignment with the Great Harmony, in building true-peace-dynamic-farming-community. 

i plant seeds for a family, and grow family beyond nucelar, through shared understanding, compassion, space...

prayers. have my hands in beggars position for dua. i pray ALLAH that i fulfill this purpose i am set out for, that i am fearless and purposeful, focused and diligent, compassionate and humble in this pursuit ALLAH. i pray that i can do this to be of service to ammu, abbu, choto and boro, my kalas/kalus, kalthabhon's/bhai's and their loved ones, my homies and their loved ones, other clans and tribes, and individuals whose purpose is stifled by imbalance and in the balancing will bring forth amazing. i have my hands up, head down, ALLAH, as i pray for the people who are hungry, in neighborhoods palgued with worry, anixety, fear of safety, i pray for people wo have been torn from their families becasue of apartheid regimes, because of bombs and guns, i pray for the ancient lands that are being riddled by the age-old scheme of divide and conquer, the set up of  let-them-kill-each-other-and-we'll-snatch-their-goods, ALLAH, i pray for all those in dire straights, who are scraping, working 20 hour days in the factories that clothes are stitched together and sold at discount and brand name stores, i pray for those working the land for pennies, those who are without jobs, i pray ALLAH for those desperate, ravaged by poverty and seeking a better life in other lands and being prosecuted in the worst ways for being different. i pray for everyone behind bars ALLAH, whatever the crime, You are the Most Compassionate, forgive them and lead them to a humility that brings them closer to You, give them freedom, i pray for all of us struggling with jobs and holding down families and relationships, and meaning, and purpose, and pscyhological and somatic illnesses...i pray for all my family - all of us - to go deeper in our relation to You, so we can truly surrender our ego, not just on the prayer mat, but into each other, while we are briefly here, in this manifestation of being...

ramadhan 2015: day 26

audzubillahe minash shaitauner rajeem...

means what? means that the desires, the senses, the lust for power, status, name, material, consumpition are, as d'angelo put it in his song devil's pie - all a lie, all a lie, slice of the devil's pie...

day 26. monday. rebuilding. ama gone from my system. ama, in ayurveda, refers to the toxins that prevent proper digestion, that inhibit assimilation of nutrients. destroy and rebuilding through kichoree and salads has led me to a new strength, all praise is due...

the lesson today comes from mama. mama is the name of the owner of this hudson cafe on warren st. that's what the boy who worked here told me, after giving me a tour of the place. said it was family owned. has been here for 6 years. 

so your folks own the spot? i asked.

well, not exactly, he said. but here's mama, he said, after we walked back through the netted swing door of the bright, dinerish-cafe, that melds the aroma of cofees, fried eggs, teas and burgers, into a beautiful ambrosia that makes my insides salviate. 

mama's back there, he said, nodding his thick head of dark wavy hair, held back by a red bandana. 

hey mama, i said, holding out my hand to the little asian woman with short hair and a face like a redwood. 

mama looked at me with curious blue eyes, through her rectangle glass frames, and smiled soft enough to make me think of my own mama. after initial greetings, after she introduced me to a stranger who just returned from trivanumalay, the place of ramana's ashram, where i aslo paid homage a couple years back, after i spoke at length with the guy, who was a music composer and did spiritual growth sessions via skype, i returned to mama.

she stood by the table i was chilling at, like she were waiting for me. and i walked right into our destiny as if i was a child learning to walk, and going faster till i collapsed into mama. 

after establishing that we both held strong asian values, that more than an ethnicity, values are at the center of everything, and spirit is what requires us to know each other. the more we delved in conversation, the greater the diamond in our rough became, and then she rained jewels on me.

i learned that mama was 62, had grandchildren in indiana, took the train there to see them and passed ithaca on the way, was thankful for the deep values she was reared in, in the phillipines, lamented about the lack of values among many nowadays, lost her daughter to an illness, and understood what signs and God were at that moment. 

religion, she said doesn't mean anything. it's how you treat people. treating people well is the greatest thing you can do. 

yes, i said, thinking of jesus, of the prophet muhammad, of how he said treat your brother the way you wish to be treated. 

you can fast all year, mama said, softly, with beatufiul intense eyes, but it doesn't mean nothing, if you treat others poorly.

that's the lesson. if the rituals of this path of surrender are not bringing you/me closer to humilty, to surrendering into the Oneness by treating the Highest in all beings, through active kindness, compassion, open-handedness, then abandon this path. then stop the fast. it's not working. do something that will...

ramadhan 2015: day 21: rebirthing

alhamdulillah...the grave...been traveling with the grave beside me. a traveler. 

i ate for the first time in 10 days last night. a short bowl of plain kichoree. the kind of bowl japenese buddhist monks eat from, so as to keep air, and water to a majority in the stomach.

when eating, the stomach should be 1/3rd air, 1/3rd water, and the remaining third is the portion of food you should have, not more. this is according to "medicine of the prophet", a book compiled in the 11th century, as a guide to traditional/islamic medicine, based on the teachings (hadith) of the prophet muhammad (s.a.w). 

the prophet fasted throughout the year, had what would be referred to in today's nutrition-seeking health world as inter-mittent-fasting. 

for ten days i had variations of water - lemon water w/maple syurp and herbal teas. i watched myself wither. i heard the battle inside, the war that waged between the noursihing and destructive bacteria within me. 

our outside is supposed to be a reflection of our inside. if our skin is supple and clear, our epithileal linings, our mucosa and mucous membranes should mirror this. if our teeth are supposed to be a window into our bone health, my bones are in need of great care. i've accumulated many cavities over the years. a steady diet of snickers, jawbreakers, corner-store munchies before class. 

we are all dealt a hand. we play our cards accordingly. or we go with circumstance. we default on passivity, of going through the motions, of waiting for someone else to make things different for us. so, slavery will go away, because other people somewhere out there are doing something about it. but you, you have your job, and your family, and your not for slavery, in fact, you're against it, but it's happening over there...

you wait...i wait...we wait for bombs to fall over us to do something...we wait for the heart attack, the colon cancer, the diabetes diagnosis to change our diet. we wait for our termination notice, of a year of unemployment, of no repsonses from employers to figure out how to be self-suffiicient. we wait for something to happen to a loved one, to spend great amounts of time with them. we wait for the police to shoot at one of our brothers, fathers, spouses, to cry out against police brutality, we wait to be locked up and thrown in the belly of a zoo, to identify with tigers and polar bears and elephants, to think why no one is doing anything about the prison system. we wait for our house to be shot up and bombed by the military to cry out against war and ask why others aren't doing anything about it, we...

...i got tired of waiting. i saw the cage of fear i was standing in. i saw and decided to escape. decided to really live by the word, instead of reading and discussing and quoting it to friends over binge samosa  and tandoori chicken and biscuits and cheese and crab legs and pasta primevera...decided it was time to do...so i heard it again...heard the words of the prophet...die before you die...heard it and saw my self, the guy hidden in the cage, playing nicely with the plugged in, the masses of arm-chair activists-critics, perfectly concoted in the chemcial formula of matrix. plugged in heavily...i fasted...really fasted...really...

...stopped eating altogether...stopped the almonds and brown rice and kale...stopped food...and watched this petite frame cave into famine east bengal 1945, famine liberated bangladesh, 1975, famine ethiopia 1985, famine palestine...famished, i withered, grew dizzy...

...spun into a trance of quranic melody...spun out of the sweat lodge, and bed, and massage sessions till i left this body, till the screams that emerged from this belly were a distant strangers, till i recognized air...

...air, i realized is sustenance. we can go without food for a while. we can go without even liquids for a time. but without air...60 seconds...

air is food. thankful for air. for the importance of this nose and pharynx, larynx, trachea, bronchi, secondary/tertiary bronchioles, terminal bronchioles, alveoli, alveolar sacs...exchange of pulmonary breath - a necessary cooperation, negotiation - carbon for oxygen...

...in my rebirthing, i ask myself, a friend asked me, how will you do things differently? 

surah 28: al-qasas: the story

the story of moses again. the story of a prophet with a warning and an oppressor. the story of the fight against injustice. the story of corruption. the story of an activist, a revolutionary, and a revolution. the story of the inevitable fall from deceit, power, corruption, ego.

the story is verified by the Ultimate. the Ultimate, ALLAH, is ALL. thus a We, appears. the We is repeated. the repitition is rhythmic, We did this and We gave pharoah that and We guided...

who is the We? the We is the One, the paradox of the non-dual entity - time and space - a lifetime and generations. the We is me and you and her and him and...the We is what is already known, what was written. the story was already written. predestiny. and it could change. scripture is living, breathing, and none of us are above what is written, even in our own rewriting, revising of it...profound...oxymoron...paradox...paradigm...

28:5 And We wished to do a favour to those who were weak (and oppressed) in the land, and to make them rulers and to make them the inheritors,

28:6. And to establish them in the land, and We let Fir'aun (Pharaoh) and Haman and their hosts receive from them that which they feared.

28:7. And We inspired the mother of Musa (Moses), (saying): "Suckle him [Musa (Moses)], but when you fear for him, then cast him into the river and fear not...

in all views, literal or figurative, the exegesis appears to be the same. there is a hand involved in our actions, whatever we do, even if it's to take a different course of action than the one you feel is laid out for you, only happens because the We allowed it to.why is the greater mystery, the greater riddle.

i chose to move upstate, but was considering bmore, or india. but ended up here. for now. the We allowed it. i wouldn't be here without breath, without a nose, eyes, limbs, etc. this priori knowledge is independent of ethics. our choices are the ethics and they have consequences. action, reaction. karma.

our actions are known, in this sense, are determined in this regard, but they are not necessarily in alignment. in fact, often they are out of alignment, and when they are, they are met accordingly - obesity, heart disease, lung cancer, etc. when they are aligned...unstoppable, invincible, because at this point, you have surrendered, and in doing so, moving with the feet of the One. 

28: 35. Allah said: "We will strengthen your arm through your brother, and give you both power, so they shall not be able to harm you, with Our Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.), you two as well as those who follow you will be the victors."

28: 36. Then when Musa (Moses) came to them with Our Clear Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.), they said: "This is nothing but invented magic. Never did we hear of this among our fathers of old."

our aspiration, the story makes clear, should be driven by this harmonizing into the Harmony. whatever happens at that point is okay, because you are no longer bound by the disharmony of the great maya.

ramadhan 2015: day xviii: day viii of liquids

audzu billahe minash shaitauner rajeem. bismillah hirahman niraheem.

in the name of...in the being of...in the presence of...alhamdulillah...

day eight on liquids, on forms of water - lemon water w/maple syrup, herbal teas, coconut water. 

usually, in the past, when i have done liquid fasts, i usually begin with a vegetable juice fast and then transtion into the water portion for a day or two. but my juicer sits dead, and my soul requires a new body to house it, one that is cleansed of the sanitation that has been piling, the attachments that have growing, the filth that has vegetated like urban sprawl in dhaka, in kannur, in bangalore.

day 6 was mrityu mukshiya mamrita...death of shaitan's pleas for forgetting this fast, for conclusion, for lets make a truce. day 6 was exorcism of the intestines, large and small, of the stomach and esophagus. a flush. 4-5 hours of back and forth to the bathroom. ommmmm...

day 7 was release of the past, a departure from this body, of letting go on a dermal and subcutaneous level. sweated.

day 7 was  swedhana, sweat, a sweat lodge that my boy holds keys to, passed down from the tradition of bear, after 15 years of apprenticing, of being chosen between the two brothers of the father bear. 

day 7 was yesterday. watched the erection of stones being enflamed by the encasing slabs of wood. day 7, i sat and watched fire for 4 hours before we entered the lodge, before prayers. 16 of us in the lodge. 16, the number seven: 1+ 6. 

came out of the lodge, after the fourth round, with circles, past lives orbiting my head, and leading me close to collapse. stood and took in the cold for a while, before we migrated indoors, had a ceremonial pipe passing, and then feast. sat and looked through the feast, the people i just sweated with, with plates heaped with arugulla and avocado salad, berries, blueberry pie, bowls of stew...sat with my lemon water and breathed new breaths.

kindred who led the sweat, told me earlier, when we sat and looked at the fire, that they fasted as a rite of passage in his tribe as well. it was 4 nights and 5 days. no food. no water. then, at the end, a sweat. right, i thought. in the way of prophecy, as described by the rishis. panachakarma. ramadhan, if done properly. 

day 8 has been rest, has been in the womb, has been staying clear of crowds, and conversation. day 8 has been readings on brain health, on linoic acid, and glutathione, and active properites in blue berries. day 8 has been reading on the cure to cancer as described by dr. huda clarke. 

surah 27: al naml: the ant ii

salih was sent to his brother thamud as a warner. how does a brother warn another? the same way malcolm little was warned by his brother, when he was incarcerated. malcolm's brother sent him a letter exposing him to Light, to a different path, one of truth, known as islam, and taught by a sheik by the name of elijah muhammad. 

often times, during conversations with friends, i find myself and others distraught with issues plaguing the world. there are fingers pointed at corporations that frack, exploit land and people, treat the earth as a dumping ground. yet, ironically, we are eating off disposable plates, and have huge piles of meat at our bbq, and blasting biggie talkign about robbing and how much head he gets, and all the gucci he wears, and we are rocking leather shoes and fresh new white-tees, and we are going out to eat at a restaurant later that week, that is supposed to have the best sweet potato fries, but none of us know the restaurant owner/s, the chefs, etc, and our father is doing such and such and our brother is buying this and that, and our sister is shopping at the big exploiter, and our mother is watching tv all day and alone most of the time...

so, talk to your Self, and talk to your family. a warning doesn't mean you know and they don't and stepping on stage and pontificating for an hour. it means building a relation, of sharing what you know, what light has been made available to you, and then trouble-shooting together of how to come out of the dark ways you and your family have been practicing. 

this may be met with arrogance and dismissal and quarrel. that's okay. keep on. 

keep engaging the way salih did with his family, by questioning, by interrogating:

27:46 He said: "O my people! why ask ye to hasten on the evil in preference to the good? If only ye ask Allah for forgiveness, ye may hope to receive mercy.

the risk that we and our family face is Life. every species, my pathology teacher tells me, has one sole biological purpose, and that is to survive, to propagate. if we can understand this, than we understand the mythology of a disease being wiped away, i.e. small pox, tuberculosis. hence the resurgence of these diseases right here in the modern/western/sanitized world. they take on new forms.

we risk extermination as a species, which would be sad, as we have so much potential for Greatness. our actions are immediately on a scale. not figuratively, but literally. our trial is based on what we do and don't do. our silence is an action. and this scale resides within us, because all of us know, understand our actions. salih reminds his brother and people of this, when they reject the omen, as one that he devised: 

27:48. He said: "Your ill omen is with Allah. yea, ye are a people under trial."

the trial may be overlooked by those whose senses have gotten the better of them, which is most of us, at varying levels. lust quenched, doesn't satiate, but leads to greater lust. there are a few that hold much of the oath, this is the cry of the wallstreet occupation movement last year. but that virus of greed resides in more than a 1%. it is epidemic. these schemes that we carry, hurt, have consequences, and are not without Witness.

the nine men of a single family who sought to loot and deceive the town of salih, were themselves faced with themselves: 

27: 50 - 53 They plotted and planned, but We too planned, even while they perceived it not.  Then see what was the end of their plot!- this, that We destroyed them and their people, all (of them).Now such were their houses, - in utter ruin, - because they practised wrong- doing. Verily in this is a Sign for people of knowledge. And We saved those who believed and practised righteousness.

literally, this more often than not, does not add up in our day to day realities. the greedy, the hoarders, whatever class they are in, usually get away with mayhem. so going beyond the literal, the concept of action reaction, of karma, of consequence, in the context of an evermore, of a no beginning, no end, can be understood on a nucleic level, on a dna level, on the level that we continue with this karma through our children and their children who suffer, who carry this hurt. and they themselves are destroyed internally, eating more, drinking more, running and running and running away from the Truth.

surah 27: al naml: the ant

the ant begins with a summation of what the purpose of the Qur'an is - a Guide: 

27:1-7 These are verses of the Qur'an -a book that makes (things) clear; A guide: and glad tidings for the believers. Those who establish regular prayers and give regular charity, and also have (full) assurance of the hereafter. As to those who believe not in the Hereafter, We have made their deeds pleasing in their eyes; and so they wander about in distraction. Such are they for whom a grievous Penalty is (waiting); and in the Hereafter theirs will be the greatest loss. As to thee, the Qur'an is bestowed upon thee from the presence of one who is wise and all-knowing."

The surah goes on to state the reminders of the prophets who have come before and who have been rejected, just as the prophet muhammad has come and is facing rejection from many at that moment of time and space...

there is a rhythmic repetition of this story from surah to surah to surah - prophets came with a message, inspired by signs and the Guidance; they were rejected...prophets came with a message, inspired by signs and the Guidance; they were rejected...prophets came with a message, inspired by signs and the Guidance; they were rejected...prophets came with a message, inspired by signs and the Guidance. they were rejected...

but each time, the stories are told a little differently...each time there is something new, a hidden message, if you pause, which at times, i find myself wont not to do, skimming instead. reminded myself to pause, and found a secret science i have to bring to an arif-ullah - one who knows ALLAH...

27:16 And Solomon was David's heir. He said: "O ye people! We have been taught the speech of birds, and on us has been bestowed (a little) of all things: this is indeed Grace manifest (from Allah.)

there is some hidden math here. what is it? so connected is solomon with ALLAH, that he has tapped potential beyond human limitations and has arrived at a place in which language is interspecies. he has become One with the One, at once with and yet more than any one particular subject - person, animal, tree, etc.

solomon's army consists of humans, birds, djinn. their march is revered by Life. the ants in their own march recognize the av pulse, the rhythm of the heart, that solomon has tapped into. their queen's order to clear a path, to her own army, is heard by solomon.

as he accounts for his army, solomon notices that one of the birds is missing, the hoopoe. the hoopoe arrives late with the news that there is a queen who resides over a people who worship the sun.

the issue here is not the worship of the sun, as the sun is our source of so much, and without it, we do not exist. but this can be said about water, and air, and earth, as well. thus, the issue is that the sole worship of the sun, diverts the worshipper from revering the Supreme from which all Life manifests. 

in fact, the five daily prayers are calculated by the Great Calculator of the music of the Universe - the One. 

fajr occurs right before dawn, to pay homage to the sun and earth and orbit, but, yet, it is not at dawn, so as not to confusing this prostration to solely the sun. the same can be said about maghrib, which is prayed just as the sun comes down and there is still some light in the sky. the times of prayer are precise, aligned with the Great Harmony, and not a clock. anyone anywhere can align with this harmony in any period of time, whether it be summer winter, fall, 2015 or 1174. 

like the Grace manifest, that solomon accomplished in his fearless, purpose driven humility, all of us are capable of this. solomon, like moses, like jesus, like muhammad, were men. enlightened men, but ordinary human beings who tapped into a humility so great, that dissolution.

in this tradition of islam - surrender - the language of the ants, birds, bengali's, tamils, cambodians, nigerians, berbers, rivers, oceans, rivers, lakes, oaks, redwoods, sycamore, mars, pluto, jupiter, etc - the language of the universe - becomes clear as Grace manifest. every single being divine, and glorious, and all a part of the Sum.